It's funny how sometimes circumstances conspire me to write an article. This time the chapter of the book I was reading (while remembering my own experience) and the comments of several readers and some client coincided. Speaking, nothing more and nothing less, of the resistance of some of the people around you to change. So I decided to write this article.
The reality is that, in general, great changes generate resistance from those closest to you. Not of all, of course, you can be lucky that your partner, your family or some of your friends support you 100%. But in general, before big changes you will find resistance, and it is important that you know it and that you are prepared because conflicts can be generated.
Consider this situation: after many hesitations you have decided to turn your life around, change your profession, grow as a person, whatever. It has been difficult for you to make the decision and you face the beginning with some fear and insecurity and, of course, you expect the support of those around you and you also need it. The surprise comes when the expected support does not appear, or not at all. People who are important to you don't seem to like change, even if it's for the best. Either they oppose it, or they hinder everything or they discourage you, or they even get angry and call you crazy. Has it ever happened to you? Just when you need their support the most, criticism and negative comments pour in.
It is normal and very frequent. The point is that all these people have gotten used to your old way of being, to your old identity and for them it is also a challenge to have to get used to the new you. Many will do it little by little, but others will not. Knowing that this opposition is somewhat natural and that it will happen (because I assure you that it will happen) is a relief, but it will not eliminate the bad times and possible discussions.
In fact, this type of reaction from those around you, especially if you did not expect them, causes two things: 1) that instead of commenting on your plans with enthusiasm, as you had planned, you have to convince (due to the need to approval we have). What makes your insecurity increase and you have more doubts; and 2) that you lose your patience and get angry, reacting in ways that are not the most appropriate and do not benefit anyone, much less you.
Of course it's normal, and you don't have to blame yourself, just find more constructive ways to improve the situation. It is not good to have a passive attitude and let yourself be carried away by the opinion of others, or not decide to take the step to avoid future confrontations. In fact, that could generate resentment and give the same result in the long run. In any case, if you are or fear being in this situation, this can help you:
Accept that you are going to encounter resistance from your loved ones, that does not catch you off guard. They don't do it with bad intention, in fact they think they do it for your good.
Find out what they are afraid of, what their objections are and neutralize them. For example, they fear that you will run out of income, tell them that you have savings or that you have a plan B.
Find ways to remove negative comments without being aggressive. For example: “I know that you are concerned about me and I thank you, but I trust my abilities and I know that I can get ahead; and I would like to have your support, it would help me a lot. ”
If the change affects a member of your family, ask them what can be done to improve the situation (of course, commenting that what you do is important to you and that you will continue with it, but that you do not want that to have an impact on their well-being, or something like that). This is especially important when it affects your children or your partner, that they feel safe, that they do not feel abandoned.
Assume that some people may simply not accept change, it is the law of life. You will both survive.
If none of this works for you, it is best to distance yourself a little. I, for example, prefer to distance myself for a time rather than having daily confrontations that, although they do not become arguments, exhaust and demoralize you. And once the initial phase has been passed and I have enough confidence and security so that what others say does not affect me, then I return to the arena, so to speak; and I just let negative comments go through one ear and out the other; Or I appreciate your concern but I tell you that it is my decision and, as in everything I do, I will fight to make it succeed because it is important to me and, after all, it is my life.
As Susan Jeffers says in her book "Feel the fear and do it anyway", the most important thing of all is that you are your best friend, that you do not criticize yourself at any time. In the end, your loved ones will accept this new version of you and if someone does not, calm down, you will be strong and adult enough to break ties and move on. It would be neither the first nor the last case. What you really need to pass this stage is to have confidence in yourself, bet on yourself and have a reason to continue with your project. It's your life, don't forget it.
