In a survey of thousands of women in 10 countries around the world, only 2% of women answered that they considered themselves beautiful. This leaves a question mark : is it that there are few beautiful women in the world or is it that our perceptions of us are very little positive? It would be good to reflect on it…
We want to look beautiful, attractive, attract attention, we value ourselves for our physical appearance, for the way we look… This may seem a very common and natural habit especially among women, but what happens when you are not happy with your appearance physical? What happens when you think you are very fat, that you are not pretty enough, tall enough, attractive enough? How does this make you feel? Surely not very well. If this is your case, keep reading, I have good news for you.
Instead of giving you the latest beauty tips, or recipes to look more beautiful and attractive, I will encourage you to be happy as you are, now. Yes, as you are reading it… there is nothing to change, there is nothing to "improve" in you, there is nothing wrong with you, you are beautiful and perfect as you are and it is your beliefs about the opposite that can make your life difficult... And I am not saying that you do not change aspects of yourself if you wish, what I am saying is that you review the reasons that lead you to want to change if you do not like yourself the way you are.
Start by paying attention to the thoughts that surround your mind, when you tell yourself that you are fat, you should be taller, have a straight nose… Some common thoughts may be: "I am not good enough as I am", "I have to look like others to like it "," If I looked like that model I would be happy "," If I was thinner I would be happy "," I need to like others to feel good about myself "," I need the approval and admiration of others "… These thoughts that may seem "irrefutable truths", can make you feel very bad and prevent you from just what you want, to be happy. Once you have identified the main beliefs, question them so you can discover what the truth is. You can use various techniques to work with your beliefs, which I recommend are a few simple questions,inspired by Byron Katie, author of the Bestseller "I need your love, is it true?" (in English).
For example, let's question the belief " I need to be considered beautiful to feel good about myself."
Can you know that it is true with absolute certainty that you need others to consider you beautiful to feel good? Have you ever questioned it?
How do you feel and act when you think you need others to consider you beautiful to feel good? Notice it. Surely insecure, anxious, pressured to look beautiful. It leads you to constantly compare yourself, to want to look like others, and “improve yourself” to fit in with beauty stereotypes, criticize yourself and make yourself feel as if something is not right with you. You may isolate yourself, you may withdraw. You cannot enjoy being who you are or your life, because you are too aware of what others think of you.
How would you feel and act if you didn't have the thought that you need to be considered beautiful? Perhaps you would take a weight off yourself, you would relax in the presence of other people, you would not be aware of the opinion of others, you would feel freer to have fun, to enjoy, to be you.
If you have answered the questions honestly, perhaps you have been able to verify that your state of mind varies with and without thought. With thinking there is anxiety, tension, stress and without thinking there is more enjoyment, more freedom to be you. Can you see how your well-being does not depend on the opinion of others, but on the beliefs you have at the moment? And this is good news, because you cannot control what others think of you, but how you feel about it and this is a great release.
Byron Katie also recommends reversing the original thinking, this will allow us to expand our minds and see options that we have not seen before. There are several ways to do it.
• We will start by reversing the thought to the contrary: "I do not need to be considered beautiful to feel good about myself" Can you find real examples in your life that this could be truer? For example, look at very young children who have not yet “assimilated” the beliefs of adults, are not aware of what their playmates think of their appearance, nor are they thinking about how their peers look, they are and feel perfect just as they are, focused on playing and enjoying the moment.
• Another contrary thought might be "I need to be considered beautiful to feel bad about myself." Look for examples. Can you see how you feel bad when your worth and your well-being depend on the opinions of other people that you can't control? Can you see how exhausting it can be to live based on the opinions of others? The pressure that makes you feel?
• It is also good to reverse the thought towards ourselves: "I need to consider myself beautiful to feel good about myself" Can you see how if you consider yourself beautiful as you are, with your overweight, with your height, with the shape of your body, with Whatever bothers you now, if you considered yourself beautiful, would you feel happy? Can you see how if you stopped comparing yourself to others you could value yourself as you are and recognize the beauty of your individuality, even if others don't see it? You can see it? Can you see that to feel good, safe and confident with yourself you don't need to change or control the opinions of others, but to question your own beliefs about yourself…?Instead of putting so much energy and wearing yourself out to gain the approval of others, use that energy to question all beliefs about your appearance and rediscover and value how unique and beautiful you are, and that will make you feel good. You may have to question many comparisons, stereotypes, and beliefs, but it's worth it. If you do not recognize and value your own beauty, and accept yourself as you are, how can you expect others to do so? Start with you, you will appreciate it.
