Some initial good idea about the nature of human emotions can be extracted from the term itself. The word "emotion" comes from the Latin emotional, which meant "act of stirring" and from the verb emotio that comes to mean "get away" and "move". Hence the current English word games that start from the root motion, move and emotion at the same time.
For Latino ancestors, emotion had something to do with movement, with action. In relation to biology, emotions involve a complex hormonal, physiological and even muscular process, which serves to establish and establish life in society. Now, for psychology, simplifying, the emotions suppose the basic impulse of the conscious mind as well as a source of diverse pathologies if they have been badly socialized.
Adaptive function of emotions: They prepare the body for action. Facilitates behavior appropriate to each situation (Darwin).
For the great religions (Christianity, Buddhism, Islam, Hinduism), emotions are the central object of their reason for existing. They consist of socializing certain emotional impulses - such as anger or terror of death - to redirect people towards the love and joy of existing. In short, to promote life in society. From anthropology, emotions must be understood as the basic field on which the network of social connections and practices that become cultural systems and content is created.
Emotions are the matrix on which social life moves. They are basic types of relational behaviors about which the communication necessary to create the various cultural worlds occurs. Love, for example, (and in the words of the biologist Humberto Maturana) is the set of relational behaviors through which the other, the other, or oneself, emerges as a legitimate "other" in coexistence with oneself. Love is the result of a way of relating socially based on mutual recognition.
In the Chinese health system, for example, emotions are related to emotional dominance from a place where they are empowered to be the cause of illness. On the other hand, in Ontological Coaching the relationship with emotion is like: e - motion, in motion, in action. They are considered predispositions for action. Given the emotion in which each one is, some actions are at hand and not others; being able to recognize them allows you to see how you react to a given situation and / or event. Being able to see or foresee it gives you the opportunity to consolidate and evolve in your personal being and consequently choose certain actions.
There is a certainty that there are no good or bad, negative or positive emotions. Each one has a role in life (as a personal biography) that enables a way of seeing and acting in reality. Let me give you an example with some of the basic emotions:
Rage: His role is to give strength to achieve what is sought, defend dignity, set limits, go after what is relevant to each and achieve it. If it is contained and not expressed, it does not come out, it does not fulfill its role. Consequently, its toxicity arrives, which can be seen as a disease; it can move and become the mood of resentment.
Sadness: Your role is about connecting with the IMPORTANT; It comes to say that what happened or feels shows the subject that there is something that they lost; it leads to the past and without expressing itself, dissatisfaction arises, discomfort that, if installed continuously, clouds everything that is done with sadness and that is when the mood called depression comes.
Fear: Your role is to take care, to warn of that «something» that can happen generating a FUTURE LOSS. Fear protects, warns, warns; allowing to take charge of that which, if it happened, would generate suffering, pain or a future loss. Not listening to fear or denying it, is reflected, for example, in the appearance of diseases such as: gastritis or ulcers; the mood of fear appears, as constant worry or anguish.
WHAT IS A “TRAPPED EMOTION”?
Sometimes, for reasons not yet understood, emotions are not fully processed. In these cases, instead of simply experiencing the emotion and then moving forward, the energy of the emotion is somehow "trapped" within the physical body. So instead of going through the moment of anger, a temporary period of sadness, or even depression, this emotional energy (less conductive), can remain inside the body causing significant physical and emotional stress.
Sometimes you can feel that you are fighting against the weight of something, but you cannot concretely identify what it is, and perhaps life does not go as expected. It may be that attempts to form lasting relationships never seem to work, and it may be wished that some past events had never occurred, because the powerlessness to overcome them. There may even be a disturbing feeling that the present is being held hostage by the past in a vague and indefinable way.
It is perhaps in these moments when in a symptomatic and physical way it is realized that the temporality of the emotion is not circumstantial and in addition it is not possible to explain or deduce what the mood is due to. It is when, regardless of what is done or said, or the environment in which it is found, that state of mind remains in each one; it seems that it is choking, intoxicating; you feel the need to expel it to free yourself from that feeling.
In most cases (and this will not be the only way), these moods originate from high impact events in childhood. From psychology it is recognized that they can remain registered in the unconscious accompanying the person permanently during life, for which it is necessary to do a "conscious" work, which allows them to be brought to the present to begin to redesign (resignify) the way of approaching and refer to that event that already happened, that has already happened, and that, in some cases, has not been clearly evidenced; Once seen, it is possible to begin to undertake new learning and other actions that make it possible to free oneself from emotion, to remove it from its "jail" with which it is possible to transcend the experience of emotions from a space of greater harmony and fluidity.
There are other internal causes that make you sick depending on the value that the mind assigns (or assigned) to the sensory stimulus or to the past event, these are, for example, resentment and reaction to criticism.
Resentment.
The same word refers to its meaning: “re-feel”, remember and feel now things that have already happened; to feel continuously day by day. A long-cultivated resentment, for example a past grief that is remembered as if it were today or feeling guilty today for what has already been, not forgiving what was done to us, can eat away at the body until it becomes the disease we call cancer; sometimes it is a state of mind that is evidenced as an emotion that sets in for periods of 3 to 6 months. There are also times when this emotional sensation comes from behind, from the past. And, furthermore, it seems that there is something that is always there, present, with each one, a "discomfort", an indeterminate and permanent "anger" that manifests itself throughout life. Perhaps, and that is the proposal, this rage could begin to be seen,it angered, like an emotion trapped in us.
The Critics.
The habit of criticism is often reflected in turn in the severity with which critical judgments are made about themselves in relation to their own behavior and the behavior of others. This can be installed as a habitual practice that leads to permanent dissatisfaction, which causes nothing that is done to be good; there is always something to be done according to expected standards. The unconscious where that is installed there, always accompanies the subject, who then receives the feeling of discomfort and nonconformity, which continues until the handicap or low self-esteem. Since everything that is done is not enough, the dissatisfaction that is reflected in disempowerment and lack of self-confidence is recognized in the body; The Ego and one's personal capacity are blurred.
The subconscious is aware of any trapped emotions that the body may be harboring; You also know exactly what effect these have on our physical, emotional, and mental well-being. The subconscious is also (always) aware of everything the body needs to be well; Coming to recognize the trapped emotion or emotions that accompany a person, requires a deep act of reflection, introspection and courage, to see them and make the personal decision of wanting to get out of them, because
One of the wonderful aspects of being human is that trapped emotions, once released, acknowledged, and worked on, are gone forever. On the other hand, it is possible that a particular emotion lodged in the body produces more than one incidence. In this case, the same emotion can be released many times, but each emotion will be a separate and distinct trapped energy, usually as a result of different emotional events from the past. It is also possible for a person to have several different emotions that were trapped by the same event.
Although determining and / or limiting a few emotions to refer to the practice of coaching, is somewhat contradictory to the practice as such, since the emotional domain in all its dimensions is fundamental in the art of ontological coaching, we are going to make an approach to those emotions that must be present in the exercise of coaching; Those that do exist, enhance the coach-coachee relationship, which accentuate the creation of trust, facilitate conversation, and provide more credit for coachee learning.
FACILITATING AND / OR ESSENTIAL EMOTIONS FOR BEING COACH: (Luminous in Coaching)
LOVE:
Continuing with one of the premises of ontological coaching where there is no I without a You, what is it that allows us to legitimize the other as a true being, as stated by H. Maturana in his definition of love as a result of social relationships. It is this emotion that allows us to be, to face the other, to love space, to love history, to love the life of the other, to love ourselves by doing what we do, to love magic, logic, the process, to love chaos, to become. LOVE connects with the soul of the other and predisposes to SERVE GENUINELY without restrictions.
COMPASSION:
This is the base emotion, it is what allows coaches to give the coachee what he "needs", which is not necessarily what he wants! Compassion puts personal humanity at the service; It is only under it that you can completely put yourself there for the other, to see that what is going through your coachee today is a situation that may also happen to her in the future or that she may have even lived through. Remember another of the premises: "The Coach serves from his wounds", that is to say, in the life he has lived there are the foundations on which the being of the coach is based.
AMAZING:
Only through amazement can the coach sit in front of the coachee and listen to his story as a new and unique story. This is where the coach's ability to legitimize the other with everything she brings, including her breakdowns; in addition to be amazed with its learning capacity, with its greatness, with magic, with the inexplicable, with what happens even without being designed by the coach.
CONTEMPLATION:
Contemplating is what allows you to connect with what is relevant, amazing and simple. Through contemplation you can let go of personal expectation about what is expected to happen in coaching or what the coachee brings; with contemplation you can admire and observe; delight in the subtle and almost imperceptible that occurs when two human beings are lovingly and genuinely together.
GRATITUDE:
Gratitude, from the Latin gratitūdo comes from "free." It is what is given without anything in return. It just happens. Gratitude strengthens relationships, puts you in touch with the greatest. Thanks to life, to God (the god of each one); With gratitude at hand, the coach can be grateful to be in the presence of the greatness of another, of divinity; You can appreciate the mastery of your coachees, appreciate the voices and teachings of your teachers and peers, and how rewarding this practice is.
IRREVERENCE:
Seen as an emotion, irreverence allows the coach to bring adventure, challenge, challenge, firm tenderness and insight among others. This emotion disposes the coach to the daring, always guided by the kindness of compassion and realizing what serves the coachee at that moment.
HUMILITY:
This emotion is what allows the coach to surrender to his coachee, to what he still has to learn as a coach. It is the emotion that enables the coach to learn from her coachee, to be able to stop on time, to recognize when to retire and to know that her coachee's achievements are her and not the product of the coach's audacity and mastery.
SADNESS:
If sadness accompanies the coach and he can get out of himself and bring his wounds to the service of his coachee, he will be able to connect with what is relevant, with what matters to him, with what he can reveal to his coachee. That connection may contribute to the generation of the space that allows the Being of the other to appear.
TRUST:
This is the base emotion for the coachee to dare to put on, to coordinate actions with his coach and to bring what really matters to him: a credible and reliable Self; He brings with him his experience and his impeccability and his whole being puts him at the service of the other. The coach is consistent and consistent in her actions inside and outside the session.
JOY:
This is the emotion that makes it possible to bring lightness and that although in Coaching you can talk about what: restless, hurts, torments, hinders or generates, everything can be approached lightly. Joy: it summons, sustains and enables serene learning spaces.
SERENITY:
This emotion makes the coach "wait"… Being there for, by and with his coachee, in a circular timeline in which there is no one way and being serene allows the coach to be: whole, complete and present.
SHADY EMOTIONS IN COACHING
PRIDE:
This is the shadow of arrogance with a few drops of rage. Here the coach stands in the full shadow of arrogance and speaks from certainties; brings the truth and from there is when the observer is delegitimized that the other is..
In Pride the coach knows how the coachee should live life, he wants to take him to a certain place and that indicates that he has his own agenda. In grim arrogance the coach wants to: solve, solve, clarify and respond. From there there is no space to LEARN.
PITY:
When a coach accompanies from pity, he looks at his coachee with a touch of superiority. There is no chance for compassion to come; When the coach considers: "poor this person with that breakdown or that difficult situation", it is because he believes that it is far from happening to him.
With the emergence of pity, sometimes the coach wants to help (which is not the same as serving) and other times the desire to leave the
DESPISE:
This emotion limits the relationship between coach and coachee, since it disposes the coach to reject, abandon or belittle the history of the coachee and what it brings as a break; it makes the pain invalidate and from there it is not possible to genuinely be interested in the other.
IMPATIENCE / INTOLERANCE:
When the coaches get impatient, they want to go to a place, they go their rhythm and not that of the coachee; they lose sight of each other's humanity, that's when they want to end. There is talk of the "obvious." The Coach already knows (and it bothers her) that the other does not see it "so clearly". In these circumstances, the limits of the coachee can be run over or exceeded.
HANDLING:
Manipulation occurs when the coach uses coaching or what he knows, to make the coachee: see, do, believe and / or say what he wants to happen. Perhaps you are seeking personal benefit from the process. This goes against the ethics of coaching.
The emotional world is a wide space for human beings and their relationships; It manages to be perennial, always present, and still, today (perhaps the product of the current generation in modernity), in the intellectual and technological evolutionary process, with that illusory power practice of controlling everything of humans in the 21st century, More and more people talk about the relevance of relationships and emotional intelligence. At the same time, the power and potential of the will for action are confused with the ability to: control, manage, repress and / or prevent emotions from appearing, emerging and externalizing. Therefore, it is very important to be able to talk about the emotional domain; take a tour of basic emotions and identify the role each emotion plays in life,to know that there are trapped emotions and moods. Above all, considering that in the course of a day a person can experience up to 172 emotions, given the different events experienced during that period of time, all within a healthy and natural process. Therefore, today the invitation is to personal recognition as socio-emotional beings.
"The coach must learn to seek the soul, through the window of emotions"
Julio Olalla - The Ritual of Coaching
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