Social success is based on good relationships, because we can do nothing exclusively alone. And those good relationships are based on effective communication, which is not such unless we know how to express ourselves and listen properly. But knowing how to listen is not exactly easy to achieve.
It is an obvious fact that each person, within himself, wants or needs to be listened to with respect and courtesy.
It can be said that we all want to express ourselves, and get attention and recognition.
However, we tend to feel frustrated, since few can show any notable mastery in the art of knowing how to listen.
You may wonder why it would be helpful to listen to others.
The answer is simple: to achieve much of what we want we need the support of others.
To win their support we need to develop leadership over them, and to have that influence you need to know them and know what motivates them, and this is achieved by listening to them.
In addition, it is a sample of courtesy that wins us friends, and allows us to prevent and anticipate the most appropriate way to deal with conflictive and complicated people.
When they feel listened to, people relax, open up and show us their inner world, their beliefs and values.
When we pay sincere attention to them, we give them an opportunity to get closer, to vent and to create or expand a frank and lasting bond.
Having the patience to listen without interrupting, allows the attentive conversationalist to choose carefully his words, ideas and approaches.
Unfortunately, we are not as good listeners as we could be, as we rarely value the importance of knowing how to listen fairly, and we are not trained in this skill.
Some of our most frequent conversational errors are:
a) we pay little attention to our interlocutors.
b) repeatedly interrupt the conversation.
c) we react impulsively to any discrepancy.
d) We deal with delicate and controversial issues that can create enmity.
e) we divert the conversation to where we want, ignoring the interest of the other.
f) we show with our tone of voice, apathy or aggressiveness.
g) we criticize absent people or we tactlessly reject the opinions that we do not share.
We could all agree that thousands of businesses have been lost, because the parties involved did not dedicate the necessary time and effort to the development and application of quality listening.
Something similar happens in the field of couple relationships, a scenario in which communication is the only and most effective way to understand and resolve disagreements.
If you can listen to your partner, friend, partner or client, with true openness and willingness, you will ensure a higher quality relationship and as for the results to which you aspire, you have a good part of the land won.
If, on the other hand, you have difficulty paying attention, respecting differences or negotiating an agreement, you will find it difficult to sustain any link in a satisfactory and lasting way, since, as I have already suggested, it is not possible to have first-rate relationships with a communication second.
To become a good communicator based on the power of listening, we can implement some smart measures based on respect and common sense, such as:
- Valuing listening skills as an important quality Conscious conversing Respecting individual relationship styles, and not judging or contradicting them if not strictly necessary; Practicing verbal self-limitation (speaking what is necessary) to get used to listening Control the urge to interrupt, deny or advise. Pay attention to the values and emotions of others, as they indicate the causes of their behaviors. Look at your interlocutor, although intermittently so as not to scare him. From fed back, answer their questions or affirmations, using words, short expressions ("ah", "I understand", "of course") or small gestures or movements of the head or hands.
The technique of asking about the last sentence that has been said is used successfully: Ex: "So you don't plan to go on a trip", "So you don't think he wants to go out with you?"
This indicates to the speaker that we have listened perfectly and if, on the contrary, we have not received his message adequately, it serves as an opportunity to clarify things.
In conclusion, we must actively listen without interrupting the speaker, and showing interest and quality of attention, in order to stimulate open conversation and the manifestation of the personality of the speaker.
Supportive qualities such as observation, tolerance, self-control, and practice will be helpful.
Listening is a power that allows us to know others, make less mistakes, and win friends and opportunities. Try it, it will give you good results.
Thanks for reading me.
