Many people assume that, when negotiating, their interests and needs are at odds with the interests and needs of the other party. We constantly encounter situations where people are convinced that -to win- the other must lose.
For example, in competitive work environments, employees in the same industry aspire to be promoted to the position of their boss. When he retires, they think, there can only be one winner (the one who gets the job).
For many, life is a permanent competition where the possibility of being victorious depends - to a great extent - on "being stronger than others". This orientation fosters coping strategies and tactics, which seek to keep "the biggest slice of the cake."
These competitive efforts all too often inhibit the search for creative options that can "make the cake bigger." And, obviously, of a cake that has not been enlarged, the portions to be distributed are getting smaller and smaller…
«It is important to suspend criticism momentarily and to be able to invent.
Not only do you have to think about bridging the gap between the two positions, but rather in expanding the options; enlarge the cake »- William Ury -
The power of force
The concept of "Power" in a negotiation is generally associated with the fact of "being stronger". Most people think that - in a negotiation - there cannot be the triumph of one without the defeat of the other. Because, for one to win, the other must lose. Therefore, the search for superiority and dominance becomes the only significant strategy. But… is there no other alternative?
The purpose of negotiating is to obtain what we want in the best possible way, that is, to achieve our maximum satisfaction with the least possible "cost". But… must this always happen "at the expense" of the other person?
When "the strong" participate in a negotiation, they boast of having power over everything and everyone. They can - and indeed will try - win at all costs. They have so much that they manage to satisfy all their avidity and, in addition, they enjoy seeing their adversary empty-handed. From a traditional "weak and strong" scenario, we see these people as powerful and invincible because they prevail over their opponents. But… what would these people think if we told them “your power is only a sign of your weakness”?… They would probably laugh, because they would not know the Power of weakness.
The power of weakness
Think for a moment about the disadvantages of the supposedly "strong"…
He loses the opportunity to get to know the other person in greater depth, considering him only an "inferior adversary to him."
He limits all his arguments to uncompromising requests and ridiculous offers, by "standing" in an extreme starting position.
Regatéa until exhaustion, achieving just a few inches more "rope".
You spoil a future relationship, because your "opponent" leaves the negotiation feeling ripped off and disappointed.
He wastes energy and endures unnecessary wear and tear by emphatically trying to test his posture.
Close the doors to dialogue. Under-uses communication, limiting himself to belittling and offending the other person
It encloses the negotiation in a climate of anger, frustration, resentment, mistrust and hostility.
The "weakness" somehow always has an implicit power potential. A different and little recognized power, but in reality many people (without knowing it and without knowing how to use it) have hidden and latent. The supposedly “weak” knows that he is in this situation, but does not consider it as a source of power, because he cannot see that, from the position of weakness suggested by his opponent, his “great strategy of power” can emerge: the strategy of weakness.
Although it may seem like an exaggeration, there are more than a hundred types of power that can be exercised in a negotiation "without the use of force" (and not only physical force, but verbal pressure and intimidation).
"A heart is never forcibly penetrated." - Molière -
Legitimacy, for example, is a source of power. So is integrity; commitment; tolerance and knowledge of one's own needs and that of others. Persistence, persuasion skills, and analytical skills are also other forms that power takes during a negotiation. What is weak about someone who generates power from himself and not from force on the other?… Absolutely nothing.
A sense of fairness, understanding, and motivation is much more powerful than coercion or manipulation. Showing dedication and interest in the process and maintaining respect for the other at all times is Power. Gaining the other party's trust, gaining an honest position from them, and making them feel supported and understood is very powerful in a negotiation.
"Your apparent weakness is but a display of your immense power."
The power that one has, even from the label of "weak", is greater than that which it is believed to have. Let us think that if we did not have any power, we would have no adversaries. If one person disputes with another, it means that he needs something from her. There would be no negotiation if all power was on one side. The effectiveness of a negotiation process is that both parties win. This is only possible if the protagonists, instead of using individual power to subdue “the weak to the strong”, seek to generate genuine value in the negotiation and strengthen themselves along the way.
