Many times people write to me or tell me about clients who do not achieve their goals, who leave in the middle of a project, who do not find motivation and a long etcetera of similar things. Has it ever happened to you? Although in many cases the main obstacle is that you are not clear on what you want, other times the problem is yourself, that you sabotage your success due to some fear. These are the four most common types of self-sabotage.
1. Don't finish things. You start many things and leave them half-done, or you dedicate a lot of work and effort to something and when you are about to finish, you abandon it with any excuse. And I'm not just talking about not finishing tasks or projects, this type of sabotage can also affect your professional career: leaving a job just before a possible promotion, leaving a career almost at the end, etc. The explanation is simple, if you never finish anything you will not have to face the possibility of failing, not living up to it, or making mistakes. Or the possibility of not knowing how to deal with success. Of course, you will also not discover the pleasure of achieving your goals and showing yourself that you are up to the task, that you are competent and intelligent.
2. Postpone everything until the last minute (procrastinate). This is very common too, I sin from it myself from time to time. The "hidden" reason is simple, if you leave everything to the end and do not try as hard as you can you will always have that excuse if things do not turn out well, it is a kind of protective shield of your supposed ineptitude. Lest you put all the time and effort into it, it doesn't turn out perfect and you are found to be not competent. Of course, there are other reasons too, like you just don't like the task at all, and delay it as much as possible. But overall, it's fear of the end result.
3. Perfectionism. That old acquaintance… Either it is perfect or it is not done, for you if it is not perfect it is wrong and you spend (or rather lose) a lot of time in reviews, in learning more. With this you manage not to finish things and get stressed. Since I don't know how to do this perfectly, I don't do it (you avoid running the risk of failing or not living up to it), until this is perfect I don't send it (unnecessary hours of work and stress). The solution is not easy but it is simple: take risks.First with small things, to see that nothing happens if it is not perfect, that it is good enough and that it is better to have things running than to have them stopped waiting for them to be perfect. It can be achieved and I tell you from experience, as I commented in one of my sessions, the first articles I reviewed a thousand and one times, it took a long time. Now I have relaxed a little and to date no one has lynched me;) Sometimes it will be better for you, sometimes worse, it is normal. Nobody is perfect and it is very tiring to always aspire to perfection.
4. Make excuses. I am too old, I am very young, I do not have money, things are very bad, I do not have time,… They are simple disguises of fear. You know very well that there are people of all ages who have achieved what they set out to do, and you know that when something is important to you, you find the time and the way to achieve it. Make your goal your priority and stop making excuses.
These are some of the methods that you have to sabotage your goals (especially frequent in the cases of impostor syndrome), it is normal and you are not the only one. These types of attitudes have their benefit, they protect you from failure, from not being ridiculous and from all your fears, but they also have their price… The important thing is that you are aware of the methods you use, of the fear behind and of the price you are paying. So as soon as you discover yourself practicing any of these methods, ask yourself why you are behaving like this and what price you are paying. If you weren't afraid and you knew you couldn't fail, what would you do? Well, stop making excuses and do it.
