Enter a hotel anywhere in the world and the first thing you find is the staff at the concierge desk, reception desk, porters, etc. They will give you a lot of information on how the hotel works.
Many years ago, before Hong Kong returned to China, the Mandarin Oriental Hotel was a haven of luxury; it may continue to be so. At the time to which this story refers, that of the more modern Mandarin, the old and colonial Peninsula Hotel was its competitor on the other side of the water that separates the island from the mainland, both linked by the Star ferry.
They were both great and determined to be exemplary in everything they did. At the Peninsula the staff wore uniforms buttoned up to the neck and white gloves. The ceilings were high, the decor bright without stain and with an atmosphere of occupation. But it was not relaxing. The buttoned uniforms explained everything; It seemed like the entire staff were on parade and at the risk of immediate inspection. The manners of the staff were wonderful, all extremely courteous, any request immediately attended to; and yet… I was not experiencing the feeling of being relaxed despite a high-level, instant service environment.
At the Mandarin Hotel the ceilings were not as high, although the decor was just as immaculate. The uniforms were looser rather than buttoned, and requests attended to with gentle nods of the head before being satisfied seemed to run more smoothly than on the Peninsula. There did not appear to be an inspection imminent, nor was there a critical eye that would carry it out. What the Mandarin conveyed was a sense of welcome not of being in a show. The center or focus was the comfort of the client, not the presentation of the staff.
Trust
In this account of two great hotels at one point, we can see evidence of two different pathways within the limbic system. In the Peninsula there was an atmosphere of fear. Criticism, or the possibility of it occurring, is a great generator of fear or preparatory defenses to disrupt you. That produced the rigidity of the Peninsula staff and rigidity, even when practiced intelligently, is not welcomed by the brain.
In Mandarin, there was no obvious sign indicating the possibility of fear. The staff at this hotel with their style, dress and general attitude, created a warm feeling without the expectation of being inspected at any time. No doubt that occasionally some customers with a cause expressed their criticism, deserved or not, by complaining in public.
But that was not the expectation of the staff. It conveyed the opposite, that the customer experience should be totally pleasant and that the staff was the expert facilitator of it. In Mandarin there was a level of regulated self-confidence that did not exist in the Peninsula.
Of course, the differences are generated by the managerial style. If the managers have done their job very well, it becomes embedded in the culture of the organization and is transmitted to the staff who are incorporated and integrated into a team that continuously creates a style and tradition. Senior managers create the organizational culture.
But where, in business management as a whole, do culture and style come from?
The answer is: in the limbic system. And in the parts of it that operate both on the input or reception side (staff) and on the transmission side (management team). In this example, the Mandarin managers instilled in their employees that they trusted them and that, consequently, the latter trusted themselves. Confidence was the emotion that the amygdala transmitted.
Confidence was also what the employees' tonsils conveyed to guests arriving at the hotel: confidence in themselves and in their ability to simultaneously serve and service all guest support systems. And also, at the same time, trust that colleagues would act consistently based on that trust. Confidence came from, and also generated, the sense of how to be and to be. In the Peninsula, the emphasis was on performance, which is not a generator of performance.
In "The Inner Game of Tennis" (1975) Tim Gallwey shares some of the principles just described and his approach is known to many coaches.
Starting from a sports context, Gallwey suggests that “every game is made up of two parts, one outside and the other inside. Neither satisfaction nor mastery of the sport can be found without paying some attention to the relatively neglected skills of the inner game.
The author continues by saying that we all have two “I's” evident in the conversations we have with ourselves. The "I 1" is presented as the "ordering" that issues instructions and commands, judges the performance and punishes, while the "I 2" is the "doer" and includes the non-conscious mind and the nervous system. The "I 1" cannot trust the "I 2" although the latter is very competent; and thus a cycle of events can be born in which the "I 1" does not allow the "I 2" to perform all that it is capable of.
In simple words, “me 1” can create a set of interferences that in themselves can become the focus of attention in efforts to improve performance but which, if removed from the equation, would actually free “me 2 "To operate without limits.
Essential ingredients of coaching
A client is meeting with a coach, and vice versa, with neither of them knowing much about the other. It is similar to the first visit we make to an unknown hotel. In both cases, perhaps there were previous recommendations and information available, but the first real meeting is decisive for what happens next.
The coach can adopt the Peninsula solution. No matter how polite he may be, in some remote part of his head, anxiety will hover over whether or not he will eventually do the coaching; on whether it will be good enough and will meet customer expectations, on whether the result will be satisfactory.
In the meeting a self-critical note is perceived and the meeting is based on unwritten rules - maybe even written ones - about performance criteria. The coach can do an excellent job in subsequent sessions and the client can report their satisfaction. But since they both come from a critical, performance-based culture, no other expectations appeared in the meetings. The performance and cultural ones were satisfied with the level of the Peninsula, that is, at a very high level.
But the coach could choose the Mandarin solution and fully trust his skills and professional experience, aware that he does not know everything and also that he knows when he does not know, and what to do if such a situation arises (for example use customer to know). In these circumstances, both coach and client can approach the coaching encounter without the background of performance anxiety but with a spirit of shared inquiry and discovery. This approach builds trust.
Then something extraordinary happens. As trust begins to flow between the two, the client's limbic system begins to open up to new options and possibilities because the amygdala whose primary function is to seek danger is calmed.
It is at this point when the coach can begin to do what a good professional knows how to do, that the client's brain begins to explore hitherto undiscovered possibilities.
